FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT: Does it actually work?

Does faking confidence work? Has it worked for me?

It's a yes and no.

There are days I genuinely feel confident and over the moon, feeling like I am in fantastic form. And there are days or moments I don't feel I am my best. Faking confidence on stage during those times gives a perception among my audience that I am confident and they buy it. They cannot see the undercurrents and the inner workings of who I am and what I actually feel. They love listening more to a confident speaker any day than someone who looks a nervous wreck or is vulnerable on stage a lot. Part of the reason is that the audience gets uncomfortable mirroring our emotions within themselves. When I am acting confident, they mirror many of the very same neurons as mine, and it makes them feel good. And when I am anxious and nervous, they mirror the neurons that makes them feel uneasy. And hence they gravitate towards confident speakers who speak authentically. However, there is nothing better than true inner confidence than just acting confident. 

There are many layers to feeling confident, it is manipulating what is in our complete control and what is not so very much in our control. For example: wearing my favourite outfit changes my mood, grooming myself adequately covers an area of confidence I have adequate control over. Walking with the right posture and smiling to show my excitement is the immediate second. Most important of all, it helps a ton to be well prepared and rehearsing my content until I am comfortable. When I firmly believe I have more knowledge than my audience or that I know my subject very well, confidence cannot help but shine through. Why else is it a cakewalk to speak to a class of kindergarteners than it is to speak in front of a powerful, critical, judgmental audience whose approval we crave. Our perceptions of who our audience are affects our functioning.

Preparing well is easier said than done. There will always be days and occasions when one doesn't have the luxury of time. There will always be occasions where we have to go extempore and adapt. During speech contests, the pressure of sounding right to the judges can take a toll on confidence, forgetting words, losing flow and losing clear thinking are issues that can invade us. That is when I physically remind myself of my previous experiences and the number of times I have been in similar situations where things went well if not great. Toastmasters club meetings has helped me a lot here by being the mock test ground where I have repeatedly pushed myself to face such situations. 

Another thing that worked for me was being surrounded by people who truly liked and admired me. I save old appreciation notes from my friends/ acquaintances and strangers where they genuinely admired my speech styles and revisit them during times of self-doubt. These are people who see something beautiful in me that I can't see myself- my cheerleaders. There were a couple of times when my friend and mentor Fursey came to support me in my speech contests. And I remember being conscious and a total "disaster" initially in a couple of them. But he still cheered me on. It was as if he couldn't see my flaws or perhaps believed that I was worth more. It felt like he would never give up on me no matter what and he believed in the beautiful possibilities I could create. If you are lucky, surround yourself with such people who you highly value and who in turn are genuinely your cheerleaders. Receiving validation is  an unquenchable desire of the human spirit. Finding it from the right people can be a confidence booster. Like Oprah Winfrey said- everyone she has ever met is asking the very same three questions- Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do I matter to you?

You can fake confidence. But in order to really make it, treat confidence like a plant we grow in ourselves. What you feed your plant and how you take care of it will dictate how you feel. And these green plants grow lush and healthy with time and experience. Grow it!